Hate on Me…because I can take it.
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My 4th schedule:
Play some Foo Fighters and self loathe.
I cannot properly live My life.
I legitimately have reached My end point recently…and there’s nothing I can do about it.
Even those I used to relate to, the ones fighting for ‘equality’…shove My gender aand looks at Me and says I’m just fine. Everyone else has it worse. Everyone else comes first because damn, sir, you have it easier.
Do I?
I live with a physically violent family member and he’s fully supported by My family. I do not have the ability to leave either.
I am told I am awful because I don’t agree that therapy will solve this person’s physical and verbal violence/aggression against others and at one point, his own pet. He’s threatened Me many times, My entire life, but more importantly has in the house we share. I believe he needs to be institutionalized. I believe we cannot help him and that the children around him are not safe. Our dad suffered broken ribs because this guy attacked him while strung out. He broke his dog’s leg…and intimidated everyone around him to hide it.
But I am the Monster.
He is what society is mad at.
Yet he’s protected. And I’m gaslighted by those who label Me their child. I always have been. I do not know how to handle life because there has been no safety. No emotional reassurance. And even being a survivor of physical abuse, they choose to ignore My words of warning.
And I am terrified to reach out because last time I tried?
….
Well. As I said.
“Everyone else has it worse. Shut up, Sir. You’re just fine.”
This is so fucked. This is My norm.
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Practice has been great.